It's the Small Things

I had so many big - no, huge - reasons to be unhappy in my last relationship, and so many huge things to make me unhappy. Those are the things I have worked through and moved on from, with the help of my family, friends, and in large part, my therapist. I recognize red flags, I see the reality of the abusive situation I was in, and I know what is never going to fly with me again. These big things are so obvious now that they don't surprise me, don't catch me off guard when I think about them or if I am talking about them with someone else.

It's the small things that still stop me and make me really see how dysfunctional life was in those 2+ years. The small things are the things I am still working through, because they are less obvious and less in-your-face. They didn't come up in one foul swoop, they make their appearances at random, in my day to day, and when they do, they stop me in my tracks and I am faced with an opportunity to break them open.

Most recently, one of the small things came up while I was browsing at VisionWorks with Stace and Blake for new frames. My glasses are old and a bit beat up, and the store is having a 2 pairs for $89 sale through Christmas...so its the perfect time to replace my old glasses. I plan to get a pair of glasses and a pair of sunglasses, and Stace and I just popped in last week to take a peak while we were running errands. Shopping for new frames, I stopped and remembered how nervous I was when I got glasses when I was dating Kalib. As if it was something he wouldn't like. I remember ordering my frames and not telling him right away, then once they came in, I was so nervous he wouldn't like them that I wouldn't wear them around him for a bit. I kept them in my car and left them there when I got home from work - all because he'd been so mad that I picked them out without him. Such a small thing, picking out glasses, that can still stop me and blow my mind at how fucked up things were back then...

And in the same regard, it is the small things that keep coming up that remind me what a great man Mark is and how much better I have it now than I did then. I mentioned new glasses to him earlier this week, that I needed a new pair, and he offered to go with me if I needed a ride after an eye exam. Didn't offer a suggestion on the frames I pick out for my own face, didn't say anything about hating or liking the ones I have now, just simply offered me a ride. It is such a small thing, but so appreciated on my end.